Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
