he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
