how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
