Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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