all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
