dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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