she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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