Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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