Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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