i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
