yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
