like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
