dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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