He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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