i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize