I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
