rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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