i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
