True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
