My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
