Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
