I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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