Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This baby is an asshole
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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