it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
