he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
