Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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