i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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