We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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