i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
