I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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