Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
