Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
