I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
