Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
