but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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