I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
