what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
