i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
