I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
