We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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