You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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