Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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