Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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