Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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