the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
