If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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