thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
