youre lurking in front of me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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