Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
