did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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