My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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