I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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