Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
