I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
