his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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