So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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