I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
