we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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