Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
