He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
