I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
