Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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