I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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