nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
