your room smells of hookers.
And success
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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