my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
