i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
God, I missed his penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
