I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize