Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
