Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
