Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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