Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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