Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love you.
Bad choice
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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