Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
