oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
