I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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