he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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